Revelations on a Keyboard

This blog is a little late coming. But, it's the first time I've had to write a new one!

So, since August 8 I have been an employee of a school district here in St. Louis. I have been working at the high school that I graduated from and with the drama teacher who fostered and helped developed my passion for theatre. I always knew that somewhere inside of me, I wanted to teach. Someday, I wanted to be able to instill in other high school age kids a love for theatre that would be powerful...that would be able to hopefully change their lives. But, I never knew when this was going to happen.

I didn't graduate with any type of certification so that I could teach. I knew that I would need to go back to school. And I also knew that the next time I wanted to go back to school, I wanted it to be for my MFA in Acting.

It's funny how things change...I don't know what it is. It could be a combination of a lot of factors. I feel more useful than I've felt in a long time. I feel like I am giving something to these kids. It doesn't even closely measure up to what they are giving me. It also has to do with the fact that I am working with a man who has truly changed my life. The man who gave me theatre. That's a big deal to me because without it I don't know who I would be today.

But, things have definitely changed. I need to teach. Let me be a little more clear...I need to teach theatre. I need to be able to work with people like this on a daily basis. I have such a strong attachment to this community already and I've only been working there such a short time. But, (this is going to sound SO corny) lightning strikes fast (I told you so.) and I've been hit.

Saturday, I spent all day at a Speech Workshop at one of the local high schools. It was a long day. I got home and I was exhausted. I needed my bed, badly. But, no matter how tired I was, I could not help smiling. I knew that they could call me up and say "We need you to take a group to another workshop tomorrow." And I would be there with a sweater vest on faster than you can imagine.

Now, don't get me wrong. I will still be an actor as well. I will find the energy (hopefully) to audition for companies. And no matter where life takes me I will still be doing and creating theatre. That's the great thing about education. Not only will I be creating theatre, but students will as well. We will have our own theatre company...it will just have a four year membership.

But, for right now, I'm looking into schools that I can attend and get my Teacher Certification for Theatre/Speech. By just typing that, I now that it's right.

It's things like this that get me really excited. I've always been this huge planner. I make these immense plans and I lay them out. I convince myself that this plan is the exact way my life needs to go. And for about a week I commit myself to those goals. But, then I find something else.

Law school.
Curating a museum.
Running for President.
Working on a cruise ship.
Working for a vacation rental company.

I tell myself "This is what I need to be happy". And I mean, I could be happy doing any of these things. But, the problem was, I had never really experienced any of them. I just imagined how cool it would be to do that thing. I had friends doing it. Or I had family members tell me "You would be such a good lawyer" and so I would say "You're right. I'll do that". But, what I really needed was to experience something.

I needed to let the right thing come to me...find me, instead of me desperately grasping on to any possibility. I think that's why I like this so much. Two days after I graduated from college I was in my car driving back to St. Louis and I called my old high school drama teacher. I asked if he had any openings helping with the program. He said "Well...". And the rest is history.

I like to look at it like this. For so long, I've been trying to find the word that will define my life. And now, I've finally realized the essential truth...there isn't one word. I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to be an actor. I'm going to be a writer. I'm going to be a student. I'm going to be a listener. I'm going to be a director.

I'm going to be inspired.

I'm going to be happy.

It's a little early for Christmas...who cares!

So, for the past few days I have been walking around my house singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer". For any readers out there that may know me...this may not be that crazy of a situation. I love Christmas. It's one of my favorite times of the year. Yeah, things can get crazy...traffic is always worse...and stores are for some reason always more crowded. But there is something about that time of year that always puts a smile on my face, especially the week of Christmas. Then, once Christmas is over...I want it to be spring because I have suddenly gotten over the ice and snow.

But, my love and adoration for all things Christmas is not the reason I found myself singing this beloved carol. You see, I had an audition today with the city of St. Charles for an upcoming production they are hosting titled "St. Charles Christmas Traditions".

The production (as I understand so far) is basically a winter wonderland for families to explore. There are carolers, characters from A Christmas Carol, and much more to discover. The second I saw the listing for this audition on stlauditions.com I knew that I had to be a part of it. But, sadly, I had missed the dates. So, I emailed the address provided on the listing and found out that luckily they were looking for more guys to audition. An audition was set up for earlier this evening and I drove to Old Town St. Charles.

The second my car hit the old brick roads of Main Street I truly knew how badly I wanted to work on this for the upcoming Christmas season. I wasn't exactly sure why, but as I drove by some of my favorite places (Trailhead, Lewis and Clark, etc.) I realized how great an opportunity and time it would be to work there during the holidays.

I walked into the Tourist's Center and waited for my turn to audition. The audition was a little non-traditional which I thought was really neat. We were given a story that we were to retell in our own words. Throughout the story we switched character types to match with what might be found in the production.

I loved this. For our audition we were asked...to create a piece. Right there. On the spot. Such an awesome opportunity to create something original! Falling into the different characters and making the piece my own I presented it to the two ladies behind the casting table. They seemed to enjoy it...which we will truly find out on Monday when we are contacted about casting.

The great thing about this audition was the fact that it was so comfortable. I walked into that space and felt so welcomed by all the faces that I saw. The other actors who were present were kind and funny. I found myself wanting to work with them, wanting to be able to do theatre with them. Even the people working in the building were very kind, offering chairs and giving greetings. It was a great experience.

I love being able to leave an audition with a smile on my face. That's also why I love Christmas. No matter where I go, I know that I will wind up having to deal with cranky shoppers and crazy traffic, but I constantly find myself smiling. Christmas music is in the air and kids seem to be happier. Santa Claus is at the mall and you get to wear scarves!!! It's all about the little things. "

To some this would be a small time audition, but for me it meant getting to be a part of creating a specific atmosphere for people. And that's something I really want to be a part of.

Space

There are few more architecturally stunning places than a theater. My reasoning behind this is quite simple actually because...a theater can by anyplace. I'm a firm believer in that. Standing on a sidewalk delivering a monologue...theatre. Playing out a scene in a store front...theatre. Performing a solo on the stage of a Broadway playhouse...theatre.

It's one of the things that makes theatre such an amazing art form. It can happen anywhere. But no matter what type of space you are performing in, one thing is true: walking into that space and playing invites and entirely new dynamic to the production you are working on.

Luckily for me, at the University I attended our rehearsals were universally held in the space in which we would be performing. This luxury is not afforded to a vast number of theatre companies out there. You find that you are in conference rooms, lobbies, any type of available space and trying to create what will be the world of your play.

This had been true for the current production I am working on, Henry V with STL Shakespeare. We had been working in the lobby of the Grandel Theater as well as a beautiful room on the second floor with huge cathedral ceilings. But, we all knew that beyond a single set of doors sat our true home. The pull of two handles and we would be stepping into England and France.

Last Thursday, the doors opened. We walked into the mainstage space at the Grandel Theater. There's something about a space that theatre has happened in. It has a certain feel, a certain weight. It feels utilized. It feels...like a teddy bear. I know that this sounds like a weird analogy, but give me one moment.

When I was a kid, I had this blue teddy bear who was named...Blueberry Bear. Blueberry Bear was my favorite stuffed animal in the world. He would always be in my bed, he was my constant companion. He was the perfect size to hug and hold. I truly appreciated what Blueberry Bear gave me. He gave me warmth, connection, and love even though he was an inanimate object. Years went by and Blueberry bear began to lose his perfect shine. It wasn't that he looked worse, it was that he looked worn...more loved. He had been through something and you could see that when you looked at him. He had seen good days and bad days. He had seen cries and laughs. He had history that was tangible. And I loved him all the more for it.

Theaters do the same thing. They have their scratch marks, their second coats of paint, and their worn curtains. But, to us these things don't look used and abused. They don't look old, they don't look dingy. They look used. They look loved. They wear their history on their sleeve. They invite us to create and make mistakes. They give us a connection to those who have performed before us.

The Grandel had me feeling this way the second I walked on to its stage. I remember walking through the stage entrance from the side parking lot and seeing the black hardwood floor. Embarrassingly enough, it's one of my favorite sights in the world. I remember the heavy black curtains that sat pulled to each wing. I remember looking out at the audience and suddenly feeling this sense of welcoming. The dark wood accents that frame the balconies, the red velvet seats, the shining black lighting instruments...all of it saying that this is where you should be. It's a feeling you don't forget.

That night I had trouble finding reason for the smile to leave my face. I loved seeing all of the actors walk onstage and look out into the rows of seats. It was like a rite of passage. You couldn't just walk and sit down. You had to create a path that would definitely take you over the stage floor. You had to feel that welcome.

And the best part of it all is that it is a universal feeling. No matter how new the space is, or how old it is...it still has that feeling...it still says "Welcome back."